The Death of the Ego by guest writer Peony
What is dying ?
I have already died several times.
I lost a part of myself every time.
Believe it or not. That’s also how I learned, how I changed.
Pain kills. The head no longer works. The pain takes over and then spreads to the rest of the body. If it wins the heart has ended, it stops and boom. I left like this many times, not understanding the pain it spread like poison. It starts from the head and contaminates the rest of the body. It hurts, we cry… and it is useless. You have to let it pass, otherwise it blocks the functioning of the body and the heart. The heart is the one that must be protected, listened to, because that is where healing lies. Pain is in the head, healing is in the heart.
After an emotional trauma I died, my heart stopped. I’m in the dark, there’s nothing around me, I don’t think anymore, I know nothing, I don’t ask any questions, nothing exists anymore. A strange sensation, it is not a memory, nor a voice, I feel that something is ‘wrong’, I am reminded, I come back into my body but I do not feel it, I am not in the right direction… I come back to me something has changed…it is me.
Every time we get lost we find ourselves.
Pregnant with me, my mother went to cross the Sahara, I was to be born in Chad during the war, but without papers, we were sent to jail then repatriated in a military plane to France. She was on a journey of faith because she had joined a Christian sect.
My mother is an emotionally disturbed person because of the traumas of her childhood and of my father I knew little because my mother left him before I was two years old. She got into a cult leader, a disturbed and violent man. Born in this sect, I suffered a lot of violence, I was also kidnapped twice before the age of three, once in India and once in France…
When I was a child I had what is called the “sobbing spasm”, yes I know it explains a lot.
All these events made me a fragile child and I took years trying to heal from this small part of my life.
Today, I feel that everything that happens in the world; the ‘corona’ symbol of the head; is a poison of the brain. Then we are all attacked by our ‘karma’, our traumas that come back to the charge and make us lose our heads. Lately I have experienced many physical difficulties, then emotional, always I feel a loss. But with detachment from the situation, I understand that this loss is not so much physical but symbolic, it is the lost of a part of myself.
At the moment Mercury is in retrograde. Mercury represents intelligence and therefore the brain, it retreats to give us the opportunity to focus elsewhere. At the same time it is an air sign and the air works with the heart. The head no longer works we are forced to feel the situation, concentrate into the heart.
All these pains and symbols are there to help us understand that all this is only the representation of the death of the ego. If you listen to your head then the heart is affected and you die physically. If you listen to your heart then it is the ego that dies. It is easier to let yourself go in the emotions, traumas of the past (or karma) than to move forward and listen to your heart.
Be strong in your soul, love and forgive, first to yourself and then to others and then the heart will take over. Let your ego die, it will make less luggage. Do not be afraid to lose you will have everything to gain.
With love, Peony
How to heal from traumas by Eckhart Tolle :
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aujrhxwu8CA&feature=emb_title
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ethompson
October 8, 2021 at 11:02 amDear Peony,
Your writing brought tears to my eyes.
A little gem from Krishnamurti.
“Do not think about yourself, but be aware of the thought, emotion, or action that makes you think of yourself.”
Iam
October 8, 2021 at 1:40 pm“All these pains and symbols are there to help us understand that all this is only the representation of the death of the ego.”
WOW! Powerfully emotional.
Thank you for sharing your experience Peony!
Chris
October 10, 2021 at 8:38 amThank you, Peony.
Markfarrar
October 11, 2021 at 5:07 amA very precarious era to consider ego death ,
When all around us we see so many brainwashed
Humans giving up their minds and bodies in fear
And subservience . I know your words are genuine
And personal Peony but I think we need to be using
Our Head in balance with our Heart more than ever .
Intelligent , controlled ego , in action with Spirit ,
Humour and Love ….. A mighty force for Good .
Peony
October 11, 2021 at 11:54 amI agree Markfarrar, it is balanced between heart and mind that we need. For me ego (as I talked in the article) is more, what we think we are, what we think we need to do, we can think we are our experience but we are not, sometimes we have to go though hard things to understand that pain is only associated with our personality/ego, or that we were not able to let go…real intelligence is not in the brain but it has to work with it.
Markfarrar
October 13, 2021 at 5:23 amYour writing is strong and shows that your way
Is working for you . You had us worried a few months ago ,
When your life circumstances seemed very uncertain .
As for me , I haven’t had to suffer much pain so far
In this life , so I try to integrate and harness the ego
To make it work with my heart to create and grow .
But then I would say that wouldn’t I ? Are ego
And wetiko different labels for the same trait ?….
Mick
October 14, 2021 at 7:12 amThe Force is strong in you, young one.
Peony
October 14, 2021 at 7:37 amI can’t say my life is more certain now lol everything is changing very fast again.
yes ego and wetiko is the same thing, at least for me it is
Hugs
Mick
October 14, 2021 at 7:19 amNothing happens by accident. There are no accidents, only choices. Formed or unformed.
Gee, that is so twee. I’ve missed my calling, I should’ve been an Intelligence Officer turned Philosopher.
You either work for the Company, or you don’t. And 99% of people are Company employees, though most would deny it, with fervour and a sprinkle of pink Himalayan rock salt.
It doesn’t matter, it neither saves nor damns.
Markfarrar
October 14, 2021 at 6:01 pmIt’s never too late , lance corporal Garnett ,
77 Brigade , Catterick division .
Take that choice , make that change today !
Join us , the 1 per cent of 8 billion , that’s quite
A lot of us probably . I Love and forgive you for everything .
Mick
October 15, 2021 at 1:43 pmDon’t panic, Mr Mainwaring, don’t panic!
That’s really sweet of you, just hold the door a minute, need to fetch something 🙂
Markfarrar
October 15, 2021 at 4:59 pmBless…
He will never go awol. without
His faithful mini pet warrior squad…..
Mick
October 16, 2021 at 4:58 amIt’s hard to trust, Mark. To truly love and be vulnerable again. To spend a lifetime denying your real nature, to constantly hear those voices of love and encouragement yet to have to push them away so that one is not swallowed whole.
I must face the Odin within, I have ignored him too long and backed myself into a corner. Answers are there, but so much must be stripped away. The more I wake up, the more I disagree, the more I say No! enough is enough. But I have worked hard to get where I am, and all through my own efforts, as weak as they may be. I don’t mean anybody any harm, the only person I am attacking is myself.
The inner worlds are teeming, so much expectation, so much love. Unbearable, lol 🙂
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEizKmZlUAw
ariel
October 17, 2021 at 6:36 amUmm?? How will you ever find out, if you don’t ‘take it to the limit’? Or BEYOND, who says what the boundaries are. I crossed them, lost my entire skin, weight down to 80lb and didn’t die, apparently.
Sooner or later we will be thrown against the wall, and over the edge, if it hasn’t happened already. Is there a better now in which to find out if you actually can or cannot fly.? Or die, even. We still and always have ‘choices, that is, while we still think we’re operating in linear uhh ‘time.’
‘It doesn’t really matter if I fall apart, if you keep the pieces of my broken heart.’ Last 2 lines of ‘Hey Hey Shakti,’ Ariel 2006.
xxxxx
Mick
October 17, 2021 at 10:53 amAch, it’s all got too sloppy. Time I got a pad in Costa Rica, I think.
Just a spoilt brat having a moan.